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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23228659">Ghost of Mine</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonOfGondor/pseuds/SonOfGondor'>SonOfGondor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Force Ghost Obi-Wan Kenobi, Gen, The Christmas Carol AU I'm sure you all have been waiting for, Time Travel, kind of</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:09:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,517</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23228659</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonOfGondor/pseuds/SonOfGondor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Darth Vader is often visited by the ones he loved in nightmares, but tonight is different. When the ghost of his old master comes by and shows him what he once had, what is now, and what could happen, will Vader want to change the future? Or will he hold onto the life he has now?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Obi-Wan Kenobi &amp; Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>65</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Ghost of Mine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi everyone. It's quarantine-time, so I decided to write a fic with an idea I've been having for a while. It's far from perfect, but I still wanted to share it with everyone in the same situation as me, looking for some escapism and entertainment. This is a one shot vaguely based off of Dickens' A Christmas Carol. It's been a few years since I read it, and the influences are very light. There's just the whole ghost of past/present/future left. I hope you all enjoy it, and look out for yourself and others!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Vader rarely slept. How could he sleep when his very existence was pain? When the very suit that kept him alive made him feel like dying? The only moment that came close to rest, were moments like these, when he was floating in a bacta tank, naked and alone. To say it was a relief would be too charitable. It was a change from the claustrophobia and the pain of the suit, to make way for the claustrophobia of the tank and the pain of the memories every time he closed his eyes.</p><p>He had been a failure of a Jedi and he was a failure of a Sith too. No matter how hard he tried, he could not tap into the anger that so often fueled him, made his very existence bearable. The Force was still flowing in what was left of his veins, but it could not make it alright. It could not even make it close to alright. He closed his eyes and felt his mind wander, his head heavy, sinking deeper and deeper into an almost unfamiliar feeling: sleep.</p><p>Reality and dream blurred into one, bacta and sleep turning him weightless but ever heavy. There was a presence in the room, imagined or real. Vader tried to reach out in the Force, but just like a dream it was there but untouchable, even for him. It was familiar like the weight of the mask on his head, but still, new. He couldn’t understand it, but he knew who it was. Obi-Wan Kenobi had come back to torment him.</p><p>He came back in the form he saw him on that fated day on Mustafar, in the form he’d once known so well. This Obi-Wan Kenobi had barely greyed yet, but even in those eyes did he read the cares of a much older man. He opened his mouth to speak in a reflex, but was muted by the bacta.</p><p>“Anakin.”</p><p>Dark clouds gathered in Vader’s mind, his anger lighting up like the fire of an explosion, loud, dangerous and all consuming. He could not believe that Kenobi – the ghost of him – would dare to come so close. Vader would never be rid of his taunting presence, even after the death of his old master. He raised his hand through the bacta and tried to squeeze Kenobi’s air pipe shut, but the presence only raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“You must know you’ve already killed me.”</p><p>Fury raised the fire ever higher, but no matter how much Force he used, nothing changed. Not even the bacta moved, as if he was… nothing. As if he was as powerless as he felt, as he always felt.</p><p>“Anakin, calm down.”</p><p>“Don’t call me that.”</p><p>His voice, no, the voice from his suit. It came from his mouth despite the fact it wasn’t in front of him. He could speak and breathe and move, but he could not defeat the presence. Kenobi was a ghost. How do you kill a ghost?</p><p>“You must know by now, or have you forgotten dreaming?”</p><p>“You will leave me alone,” he spat out.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>The ghost of Kenobi stepped closer and reached his hand through the glass, and then touched him. Instinctively Vader attempted to step back, but he couldn’t. He was dreaming, true, that had to be the only explanation. The only way he could feel the touch on his hand, the only way he could have a voice of his own. The only way he could have what Kenobi had taken from him.</p><p>“I need to show you something, Anakin.” Vader shook his head in despair. “Do you know what day it is?”</p><p>He did.</p><p>“That day meant something only to a dead man.”</p><p>Obi-Wan gently pulled on his arm, and despite Vader’s resistance, it was like the presence pulled him right out of body. He gasped for air but found he didn’t need it, as he turned around and looked at his own body, suspended in the bacta tank.</p><p>“What are you doing, old man?”</p><p>Obi-Wan glanced at him and shook his head. “Is that how you see yourself now?”</p><p>He looked down to see the black of his suit. Even in dreams he was made out of leather and steel, but what else was he made of? Flesh had burned away long ago, and the suit was more him than any flesh could ever be.</p><p>“That is only your fault,” his deep voice said. “Why are you here?”</p><p>“I’ve come to show you something.”</p><p> </p><p>Vader was sure he didn’t blink, but one moment he was standing next to his bacta tank, and the next moment he was in a place he hadn’t seen in so long but still felt so eerily familiar. The halls of the Jedi temple. The door to his room. This wasn’t supposed to exist.</p><p>“Why are we here, old man?”</p><p>“Always so impatient.” Vader could see the beginning of a smile on Obi-Wan’s face, before it disappeared. “Just wait.”</p><p>Before he could wonder what it was, he realized. His heart jumped and then sunk as soon as he remembered. <em>Ahsoka…</em></p><p>She was walking through the halls, an expectant smile on her face. Had she always been so young, so small? Last time he’d seen her, she’d been a woman, an adult. But this Ahsoka was here, alive and well and <em>happy. </em>He watched her walk up to his door and knock, and Vader stepped back, but was unable to walk away from the scene. As terrible it was to see Ahsoka so young and so happy, he didn’t want to see what he’d see now.</p><p>The door opened and he looked onto what was once his own face. Once, he looked into a mirror and saw a man, a man made of flesh and skin. Was he ever this young? Was he ever this alive?</p><p>Anakin – not Vader, Anakin – smiled and gestured for Ahsoka to come in. Vader expected the door to close and to leave him standing in the hallways, but without blinking they were inside now, where walls were supposed to be.</p><p>“Don’t tell me you got me something, snips,” a voice that was Vader’s once said.</p><p>“Well, it is your birthday after all.”</p><p>He could almost feel the eyes of Obi-Wan’s presence on him, as if he expected something from him. There would be no reaction from Vader.</p><p>“Snips, please.”</p><p>He remembered that day. When she handed Anakin the package, Vader already knew what was in it. Still, he watched a dead man unpack it and tried so hard not to feel anything when he saw it.</p><p>Anakin laughed. “Is that a miniature version of my pod?”</p><p>“Yeah, they still sell it. You’re somewhat of a legend.”</p><p>“More of a podracer-legend than a Jedi legend?”</p><p>Ahsoka shrugged. “To some.”</p><p>Anakin turned around to put it on a shelf, directly facing Vader, but completely ignoring him. Of course Vader wasn’t here in this memory. He hadn’t thought of this in so long.</p><p>“What’s the point of this, Kenobi?” Vader asked. “Are you here to torment me?”</p><p>“I’m here only to show you something.”</p><p>“What?” Vader gestured to the scene. “I was there, you know?”</p><p>“I thought you killed Anakin.”</p><p>“I did.”</p><p>Vader could still see the slight raise of Obi-Wan eyebrow and he wanted nothing more but to kill the man again. But no, he was stuck in this nightmare by his making, and even if reality was often worse than his dreams, he wished he could wake up now.</p><p>There was another knock on the door and Vader tried to sigh. He knew exactly what was going to happen, and he liked it even less. Anakin, however, opened the door anyway, to let an exact copy of the presence next to him in.</p><p>“I didn’t know you did birthdays, master,” Anakin joked, “isn’t that somehow against the Jedi code?”</p><p>“Very funny, Anakin.”</p><p>Ahsoka greeted Obi-Wan with a wave, and the moment he entered the space turned cramped and claustrophobic. Still, it was nothing like the way the suit or the tank felt. Just small. Small enough to force Obi-Wan to sit on the bed.</p><p>“Did you get me socks again?”</p><p>Vader already knew the answer. It wouldn’t be socks this time, but a pair of gloves.</p><p>“I know you want to,” past Obi-Wan eyed Anakin’s hand, “keep it covered up.”</p><p>There was so much more to cover up now, and it wasn’t due to Dooku this time. He watched Anakin stroke the leather with his thumb for a second before putting it away. Anakin could barely hide the smile.</p><p>“It’s the same as socks basically.”</p><p>“Socks for your hands though,” Ahsoka remarked.</p><p>“Yeah, exactly.”</p><p>“So you hate it?” Obi-Wan still smiled. “I won’t see you wearing them?”</p><p>He would.</p><p> </p><p>The scene faded and Vader was left in the dark, staring at his own gloves for a second, before tearing his eyes away. His heart stung, wondering if maybe he should have said something else. If he should have been grateful, back when it wasn’t too late. He looked over at Obi-Wan, whose eyes were no longer on him. That smug grin he hated so much was missing as he stared over at the scene playing out before them.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Anakin. I could have done better.”</p><p>Vader didn’t reply to that, but asked instead:</p><p>“Why am I here? Showing me isn’t going to change the past.”</p><p>“No, I know,” Obi-Wan said. He sighed and then finally looked away from the scene, his eyes fixed on Vader again. “It’s not the past I’m looking to change.”</p><p>“Don’t speak in riddles.”</p><p>“I’m not, Anakin. I’m trying to show you what you once had.”</p><p>“I <em>know </em>what I had once. I know who took it away from me.”</p><p>Obi-Wan shook his head and looked back one more time. Then the scenery changed, into the hallways of the senate building. Vader saw Anakin again, hurrying through the halls, halting before another familiar door.</p><p>“No,” he said, shaking his masked head. “You can’t do this to me.”</p><p>“Anakin.”</p><p>There was sadness in his voice, but despite that, it continued. Was this the torment he had to go through now? Wasn’t the torment of the day enough? Wasn’t the ghost of his beautiful wife in the night punishment enough? Vader couldn’t close his eyes, and when the door opened, the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen was standing in the doorway.</p><p>“Anakin,” she said, her voice like an angel’s. “It’s so good to see you.”</p><p>Vader stepped forward, his boots never hitting the floor. As Anakin hugged and kissed her, Vader found himself gliding through the body of his former self. There was nothing he could touch, nothing he could change, but as he stood there, it was almost as if she smiled at him. As if she saw him. He reached out and expected soft skin, but as Anakin kissed her, Vader touched nothing but air. He didn’t exist in this reality, and Padmé saw only Anakin.</p><p>“Padmé,” he whispered, his voice coming out static and unfeeling, “See me. Please.”</p><p>He wished for the Padmé of his dreams now, the one that told him it was all his fault. The one that touched him, only to disappear. At least in his dreams he wasn’t invisible, he was something, even if he was a monster.</p><p>“Padmé.”</p><p>“Anakin, she can’t…”</p><p>He watched her walk in, watched Anakin follow, watched her walk away. He wanted to run after her, after him. He wanted to grab his past self and tell him everything. Tell him to treasure her, tell him to never let her go. Tell him to never ever hurt her, to never lose her.</p><p>“Padmé,” he whispered instead.</p><p>As his voice broke, a remnant of the voice of old came through. The voice whispering sweet words, the voice that told Padmé he loved her. A voice that did not exist anymore, burned in the flames. She looked up. For just a glorious second he thought she’d heard him, for a second her eyes seemed to meet his. Then it was over, and it all slipped through his fingers again. She was gone, and the woman here was just a shadow. There was nothing he could do. Nothing at all.</p><p>He waited for anger to take hold of him, but once again he couldn’t reach it. He couldn’t even be angry with himself, he was only hollow. His heart was as broken as his body and hurt even more. He sunk to his knees, reaching out for her with only invisible hands. She was there, and she was so happy, and he was there but he wasn’t. He couldn’t touch her, he couldn’t stop himself.</p><p>“What’s the use of this, master?” he yelled, with Anakin’s voice. “Aren’t my other nightmares torment enough? Do you hate me this much?”</p><p>There was a hand on his shoulder. He could feel it, unmuted, like a hand on only fabric. He knew who it belonged to, and he wanted to shrug it off, but couldn’t.</p><p>“I never hated you.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Vader woke up again in his bacta tank, the pain and claustrophobia almost a relief. It had been a dream, he told himself. When he opened his eyes, his limited vision detected nothing unusual. He took a breath and wondered how much time had passed, whether or not the droids would be done cleaning his suit already. He wasn’t looking forward to being back in it, but he didn’t want to sleep anymore. All rest was ultimately exhausting and the suit kept him awake and alive. He didn’t need sleep, not really. Despite that, he found his eyelids growing heavier and heavier once again.</p><p>The world between sleep and dream was ever inhabited with ghosts, but there was one he wished he would not meet again tonight. He was there, however, emerging from a corner. This time he knew the rules.</p><p>“Not again, old man.”</p><p>This time his remark was appropriate. This version of Obi-Wan was exactly the old man he saw on the death star, the man he had killed, but apparently not gotten rid of. He walked slower and the lines in his face were deeper. Hair that had a red hue once, was completely turned grey and white.</p><p>“Hello Anakin.”</p><p>“Have you come to torment me again?”</p><p>He shook his head again, in the exact same way his younger self had done. It annoyed Vader to no end: Obi-Wan was still treating him like a padawan learner.  </p><p>“I’m here to show you something else.”</p><p>Vader didn’t get a chance to protest this time. In what was less than a blink of an eye, they were standing in an unfamiliar place, almost as dark as the room he’d come from, but not as small. Obi-Wan confidently lead him through a hangar, filled with mostly X-wings and a few other small ships.</p><p>“Where are we?”</p><p>“I’m not going to tell you.”</p><p>It must be important then. He wondered if this was Obi-Wan being annoying because Vader remembered him to be annoying, or if this was more than just a dream. He decided to take in as much as he could, just in case it was.</p><p>“Then what am I doing here?”</p><p>“You’ll see.”</p><p>Vader opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, he heard a familiar voice. It was the boy from the death star. The one that destroyed everything. And most of all, his <em>son. </em></p><p>“Han, I don’t know what Chewie is saying,” he said casually.</p><p>“Try listening, kid.”</p><p>“I don’t speak… that,” Luke yelled back, “how am I supposed to help him?”</p><p>Vader looked at the boy. He had to be in his early twenties at oldest, and he had the light hair of his own youth. He didn’t know how he didn’t see it before: he looked like Anakin so much. But then there was his smile: he smiled like Padmé did. Sometimes he even heard echoes of her voice in his. But Force, he was working on a ship and staring at the cockpit like Anakin used to do. How he ever doubted Luke was Anakin’s son, he didn’t know. He felt it in the Force and in his body: he was the last thing that remained of the love he and Padmé once shared.</p><p>“Alright, you want the wrench?” Luke said. “Here you go.”</p><p>The dirty Wookiee roared happily and Vader looked away. He knew far too well what had happened to the other ones.</p><p>“How did you even learn to understand him?”</p><p>The other man that had to Han shrugged. “It’s a long story. Chewie tells it better anyway.”</p><p>Luke sighed, but he couldn’t hide his smile. Vader recognized the expression as he would have recognized his own. Luke was having fun here, working on the ship.</p><p>“Say, have you seen Leia around?”</p><p>“No,” Luke replied, “why do you ask?”</p><p>“No reason.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“If I’m going to leave soon, I want to say goodbye. It’d be just… polite.”</p><p>“You’ve been saying that for months.”</p><p> </p><p>“What is the meaning of this?” Vader asked. “I already know.”</p><p>“I know you know he’s your son.”</p><p>“He’s <em>Anakin’s </em>son.”</p><p>“Yes,” Obi-Wan said. “He is.”</p><p>They looked on quietly. He really was so much like Anakin, it was uncanny. Maybe there was a way for Luke to not have to die. Maybe it was the will of the Force to keep him alive in the end. Maybe Luke could be… convinced. With a Jedi as powerful as one of Anakin’s flesh and blood, he would be unstoppable. He could get rid of Palpatine, get rid of the endless torment and rule together. He could find his son again.</p><p>“He’s like you,” Obi-Wan said. “I hope he doesn’t end up crashing that ship.”</p><p>“That ship will end up crashing itself,” Vader replied.</p><p>Still, the thought of it stung. He couldn’t let the boy die here, fighting for the rebels, and definitely not because of some idiotic ship. That’d be a waste of power, a waste of talent. A waste of him. If Luke was really the last thing left of Padmé, he had to cherish it. He had to protect it somehow.</p><p>“I hope not,” Obi-Wan said, frowning at it. “I remember having better ships than these.”</p><p>“You never cared about ships, didn’t you?”</p><p>“I cared about not dying.” He chuckled, but then abruptly stopped. “Right.”</p><p>Vader didn’t reply to that. He just stared at Luke. A part of him wished things had gone differently, that he could have seen him grow up. He pushed the feelings away with great effort. It didn’t matter now; everything would be as it should be.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“Oh?” Obi-Wan almost sounded amused. “For what?”</p><p>“I know what to do now. I need to convince him to join me.”</p><p>Vader had hoped for shock, but Obi-Wan seemed barely taken aback. He just nodded, eyebrows raised.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You think he wants to?” Obi-Wan asked, annoyingly calm. “Look at you.”</p><p>Vader’s anger burst aflame again, but there was nothing he could do here to let it out, so it simmered in his blood.</p><p>“He <em>will </em>join me. He <em>will </em>see the truth.”</p><p>“Which is?”</p><p>“The dark side is stronger than the light side,” Vader sneered. “Only one of us is still alive, isn’t that the truth?”</p><p>“Yes.” Obi-Wan looked at him. “You are not dead,” he said, “but are you alive, Anakin? Truly?”</p><p>Vader wanted to reply, but it was in that moment someone else walked in. It was the princess of Alderaan, now dressed in more practical clothes. She still walked around like she owned the place, her nose up high in the air. He could feel the eyes of Obi-Wan burning on him, as if he expected something out of him.</p><p>“What do you want, old man?”</p><p>Obi-Wan didn’t reply.</p><p>“Do you expect me to feel remorse? I do not.”</p><p>“Look at her, Anakin.”</p><p>“I am.”</p><p>Vader sometimes wondered how he managed to put up with Obi-Wan for so many years, and this was one of those times. There was always some lesson to be learned, always something he’d not seen or done wrong. He looked anyway, at the long brown hair and at her eyes. He looked on as she yelled at Han about the ship, and he pretended he didn’t feel anything.</p><p>“Another lesson to learn, Obi-Wan?”</p><p>“That’s why I’m your master, Anakin.”</p><p>Vader tried to laugh but it didn’t come out of the mask.</p><p>“I’m no longer a learner, Obi-Wan. You must have seen that by now.”</p><p>“You’re no master,” Obi-Wan said. “I thought that maybe you had mastered the dark side, but even now you don’t understand it.”</p><p>“I’m sick of your lessons.”</p><p>Vader curled his hands into fists, longing to ram his fists into Obi-Wan’s smug face, if he couldn’t choke him to death. Still, the thought came with a pang of guilt. He had dreamed of seeing Obi-Wan for so long and now he was here he hadn’t said any of the things he wanted to say once.</p><p>“I know,” Obi-Wan said, his voice a little softer. “But is this so much better?”</p><p>Whatever Anakin had once felt towards this man, whether he respected him or cared for him, it didn’t matter. Vader hated him, and Anakin had died long ago.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When Vader woke up once again, he grinned. Obi-Wan was an arrogant old man if he thought he could teach him anything anymore. He did learn something though: his son had to be by his side. He would have to convince Luke somehow, but as soon as he did, they would be unstoppable. His own power, Luke’s raw strength in the Force…</p><p>He did learn a lesson, but not the one Obi-Wan wanted him to learn. When he looked around, he was alone again. Just him and the droids and the tank. Obi-Wan had finally given up on teaching him any lessons. He had survived another nightmare and came out stronger. And still, he expected the old man to appear any moment. He didn’t, and Vader felt the emptiness of the room extending into eternity.</p><p>Anakin, he remembered, hadn’t been alone much. As a child he spend most of his time with his mother and later he had spent all his time with Obi-Wan or Padmé. Anakin had been naïve if he thought he knew what loneliness felt like. He never felt loneliness tear into your bones, undoing you in its emptiness. Force, Vader wanted nothing more than for Obi-Wan’s ghost to stay away and never come back. Anakin, however, he didn’t.</p><p>Vader never really killed Anakin. He just gravely wounded him, and now the Jedi haunted him like his old master did, but Anakin’s desires and pains were so much deeper than Vader’s missing could ever be. That’s why he tried to kill Anakin: Anakin was human, Anakin was weak. Vader was flesh and machine combined into ultimate strength.</p><p>“Do you feel very strong now?”</p><p>Vader’s heart sunk when he heard the voice. He couldn’t see him this time, but it was undoubtedly Obi-Wan’s voice again. Could he not leave him <em>alone</em>?</p><p>“Go away.” Vader didn’t truly speak, but his deep mechanical voice did come out.</p><p>“I have one last thing to show you, Anakin.”</p><p>Vader closed his eyes. Some things were unavoidable, like his nightmares about Padmé and the pain of Palpatine’s punishment. Maybe this was one of those.  </p><p>“Show me then,” Vader said, “<em>master.</em>”</p><p>When he opened his eyes, he was standing on a green planet full of life. He couldn’t feel the buzzing of the Force, but he knew it should be there. There were trees reaching up endlessly into the sky. When was the last time he’d seen one of those? Despise the outward appearance of life, there was something else in the air. Something more familiar. Death.</p><p>“Why are we…”</p><p>Obi-Wan, barely changed except for a blue hue, raised his hand and for some reason Vader stopped talking. He wanted to open his mouth again, but then he saw it. The princess and the scoundrel Han were high up in the trees, and she was crying. The man held her tightly, and for a few seconds they stared off into the distance.</p><p>“I can’t believe he’s gone,” the princess said. “I never thought…”</p><p>Vader couldn’t help but listen. Were they talking about him? If so, why would they be sad?</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Leia,” Han replied. “Luke did a very brave thing.”</p><p>“And where did that get him in the end? Not wanting to fight his father, it was dumb!”</p><p>She pushed his hands away and turned to the sky. Vader wanted to be happy, but he knew he hadn’t heard it all. What happened to Luke? What happened to his son?</p><p>“Leia, I know you loved him.”</p><p>“You don’t understand, Han.” she sighed. “He told me something before he left.”</p><p>“What did he say?”</p><p>“He’s my brother, Han.”</p><p>Vader physically tried to step back, but nothing changed as he moved. Leia was Luke’s sister, which meant…</p><p>“She’s my daughter,” Vader said, expecting no reply. “And Luke…”</p><p>“Anakin, I’m sorry.”</p><p>Vader turned sharply towards Obi-Wan. “Luke is dead, isn’t he? My son is gone!”</p><p>Vader stared at Leia’s face. He saw it, for the first time. Padmé’s eyes in her eyes, his temperament in her. She was really his daughter. And what he’d done, he…</p><p>“I hate him!” Leia yelled at the sky. “I hate that he was my father.”</p><p>“Leia,” Han tried.</p><p>“He was a monster, Han.” She hastily brushed away a tear. “He deserved everything he got.”</p><p>The words echoed in Vader’s mind. He was a monster. He knew that, he had heard all of those words so many times. But they hadn’t mattered, not really. He had done what he needed to do, always. To his own daughter.</p><p>“I don’t know what Luke saw in him,” Leia continued. “And look what happened.”</p><p>“It’s over now, Leia.”</p><p>“Not for me.” Her fingers curled in fists. “I’ll never forgive him.”</p><p>“Leia,” Han put a hand on her shoulder. “He’s dead.”</p><p>“I know.” Her brow didn’t relax. “But I’ll hunt down every last Imperial, Han. I swear I will.”</p><p>Han stepped away and Vader mimicked his movement. For him, nothing changed. Both him and Han were forced to watch.</p><p>“Leia,” Han said. “You’re scaring me.”</p><p>“Don’t you see, Han?” She was laughing, her eyes dark as the night sky without stars. “Luke tried to be kind. Luke tried to be one of the Jedi of old. It didn’t work.”</p><p>“Yes, but…”</p><p>“We have to make sure this never happens again. And I – I never want to be reminded of him, of my <em>father</em>, ever again.”</p><p>“What are you gonna do?”</p><p>“Luke told me how to make a lightsaber. How to use the Force. I’ll make this right. I’ll free the galaxy, even if I have to do it by myself.”</p><p>“You don’t have to,” Han said carefully. “I’ll be there with you.”</p><p>A genuine smile broke through the darkness of her gaze. “Thank you, Han.”</p><p>“But Leia, please, take it easy. This is all very fresh.”</p><p>Leia gazed up. “Luke didn’t get to take it easy. Neither will I.”</p><p>“Luke just…” Han never finished his sentence. “You know.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s gone,” Vader whispered, his voice sounded far too much like Anakin’s. “Luke’s gone.”</p><p>Anakin’s son. <em>Padmé’s </em>son. He was gone. And he had a daughter, and she hated him. Force, he saw that glint in her eyes and he recognized the fire. He recognized the dark side in her. Had Luke not wanted to fight him? Had Luke not turned?</p><p>“Anakin.” Obi-Wan’s voice was nearly a whisper. “Are you alright?”</p><p>“Why do you kriffin’ <em>care</em>?” Anakin’s voice yelled out.</p><p>Obi-Wan did not answer. He just stared back at him. There was no anger, no defiance, no smugness. There was just his brows furrowed and his gaze soft.</p><p>“I hate you!” Vader’s low voice had all but disappeared. He spoke with the voice of someone he thought he’d killed, but he no longer cared. “I <em>hate</em> you, Obi-Wan! This is all your fault.”</p><p>“This is not real.”</p><p>Anakin – Vader, no, neither, both, stepped back, actually moving away from the ghost this time. Obi-Wan was right. This was just a dream. The ones he had every night since that day on Mustafar. Why did it feel so real then?</p><p>“It’s a possible future, the one that will happen if you continue on this way,” Obi-Wan said. “The past is set in stone, the present ever moving forward, but the future, Anakin, <em>this </em>future. You can change it. You alone can, if you change yourself.”</p><p>“You’re lying,” Vader said, with no conviction. “You’ve always lied.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Vader looked at his hands, at his body. He didn’t know who he was anymore, the machine in the suit or the Jedi, dressed in black too, but made of flesh still.</p><p>“It’s too late,” he said, Anakin’s voice breaking as he spoke. “I cannot change the past.”</p><p>“You can change the future.”</p><p>“No.” Vader shook his head. “There’s nothing I can do.”</p><p>“There is.”</p><p>“I <em>cannot,” </em>he repeated. “What do you want me to do, Obi-Wan?”</p><p>Obi-Wan was quiet.</p><p>“Oh, no lesson, old man? No wise words left over?”</p><p>“Anakin, this is <em>your </em>life.”</p><p>Vader shook his head and closed his eyes. Even in the dark, Obi-Wan was there, shimmering blue. He could never escape, never leave. He could not open his eyes nor close them. He’d always be there, reminding him of his failures.</p><p>“Anakin is dead,” but it was Anakin’s voice that spoke.</p><p>“He’s not. You are Anakin Skywalker.”</p><p>Anakin opened his eyes and found himself in the same dark as before. Only the light of Obi-Wan’s ghost lit up. He didn’t know where he was anymore, but it didn’t matter.</p><p>“What am I supposed to do, master?”</p><p>Anakin Skywalker was weak and pathetic and Darth Vader had been so close to killing him. But still, he always existed within him, and now he cried out. He wanted to choke out that voice, but even more, so much more, did he want Obi-Wan to tell him what to do. He wanted to make it all okay again.</p><p>“Obi-Wan,” he said, feeling words leave his mouth he never thought he’d speak again. “Please.”</p><p>“I cannot tell you,” Obi-Wan said. “And I cannot undo the past.”</p><p>“Then why are you here?” Anakin yelled. “Why are you even <em>here</em>?”</p><p>“Because I missed you.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When Vader woke up again, he knew Obi-Wan wouldn’t come back. He couldn’t move anymore, nor speak, and barely breathe. Force, how he wanted to hate the ghost that had tormented him and then abandoned him, but he couldn’t. If he had been sure of anything, that was now gone.</p><p>This future would come to happen. The Force told him Obi-Wan hadn’t lied. The empire would be defeated eventually, and so would he and Palpatine. How sweet death would be, how utterly terrifying. He wanted to live, but he didn’t. Not like this. Not in pain and suffering. But more than wanting to live himself, he wanted Luke to live. He couldn’t let his son die. Not his son, who believed in him. Not his daughter, who hated him. He had to change, but he didn’t know how.</p><p>Life after Mustafar had always been a blur, but being helped out of the tank by droids and put back in the suit, it never had been more clear. Pain bore through him every step, every movement, every breath. He longed to dream, longed to be tormented as he had been, longed to know anything. He longed to no longer be alone, wanted to see Padmé and Luke and Leia and Ahsoka and even Obi-Wan again. He wanted someone to tell him what to do, what to fight for. How to live and how to die.</p><p>Nothing changed for days, as Vader was going through his routine. The empire worked as it always did, with its machine powered oppression spreading over the galaxy. Vader did what he was told, went where he needed to go, and bowed his head if necessary. He wondered if Palpatine could see, and if he did, what he thought. There was defiance in him though, a defiance born out of something from far before the dream. He needed to find his son.</p><p>“Lord Vader.”</p><p>Vader stopped and saw an officer running towards him. He stopped and bowed his head immediately when Vader’s gaze fell on him.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“We found him.” Vader’s heart jumped. “We found Luke Skywalker.”</p><p>“Get me a secure connection.” Vader raised his hand in a warning. “Tell nobody else.”</p><p> </p><p>The Force didn’t guide him towards this. Anxieties pooled in his stomach, twirling, making him feel as sick as he could possibly still feel. He had never been so unsure of anything in his life when he opened the connection and spoke:</p><p>“This is Anakin Skywalker. If I’m speaking to anyone in the rebellion…” He took a deep breath. “I can help.”</p><p> </p>
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